From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett Crapshoot, wrote a column about rolling the dice to bring random, mysterious games back to light. This week, the comedy game tied 5318008 on the calculator. Then you look up and realize you’re on the Titanic. It is on fire.
Several years ago, a game that decided to combine adventure and RPG in one package. It was exciting. It was dramatic. she was Funny. It produced four series, and it continues to live on in the hearts of players as a true classic. Unfortunately, it has been called Quest for Glory and this is not that game.
Kingdom, Magic he is Similar, except that instead of all that good stuff, imagine a giant comic slingshot being loaded with as much poop as writers can find, and then fired as hard as it can into the nearest wall. It’s the kind of game that’s guaranteed to get a little laugh, if only because of the possibility. Welcome to a world where life is cheap, but not as cheap as jokes.
Kingdom O’ Magic is a game I’ve been meaning to look at for a while, but it’s always stuck in the background — not because it doesn’t boast the recommended weekly dose of the weird and the mysterious, but because it’s really hard to write about comedy games. Writing a bad joke gives no more flavor than repeating a good joke out of its context, and it is a fundamental law of the universe that the only thing less funny than a bad joke is the funny ridicule you make. Your only chance is to have a joke so good… so amazing… that the creators will hear it, commit suicide to escape the shame, and leave all their money to you so the world can build a solid gold statue to commemorate the unprecedented comedy. Genius.
Obviously, I can do just that. I just think it would be tacky, that’s all.
Instead, I’m going to talk a bit more about the game than I usually do, since it’s just going to be different flavors of “…and that’s not funny either” in favor of including some videos. This seems to be the best way to let the comedy Kingdom O’ Magic speak for itself – for better or worse. Also, it means that I don’t have to type much, and I can save these characters for the next time I need to cheat in Scrabble.
“Triskaidekaphobia” on a three-word score, bitches.
This is the type of game. The first scene related to Nothing at all, is a flying spaceship toilet, which skips the camera and shows a Star Trek sign like “The Undiscovered County.” There’s a gag about how the Dark Lord of the Kingdom O’ Magic lives in the developers SCI towers that were originally built for Lawnmower Man electronic warfare, and how to be here as part of the prop recycling program. It’s a game that is ostensibly relaxed and you want to push and shove it, but it’s a lot more fun to kill you in the middle of conversations.
When gags work, it’s usually because they’re weird enough to be a sucker punch, or so bad that they pierce the bottom of the barrel and find the beautiful starry ground where the good puns go after you die. It doesn’t happen often, but now and then is better than not.
At least one of those jokes surfaced though. Kingdom O’ Magic is a surprisingly complex game, with three quests and two main characters to choose from. The majority of the game is the same, but in one you have to kill a dragon, in another fight with the Dark Lord, and in the third you assemble a team of heroes to defend a sleepy town from imminent danger. The two characters are Thidney The Lizard Bloke, voiced by TV John Sessions (and I’m sure he remembers the honor of the role) and Shah-Ron The Girlie, who – inevitably – played Lani Minella. The joke is that to irony the heroines of fantasy, she has comically large breasts. Kingdom O’ Magic was released in the same year with Tomb Raider.
So yeah, good timing guys.
The plot is only an excuse to put the parody on hold, although given Kingdom O’ Magic some credit, at least it fills its world jokes rather than just references. They are mostly poorly delivered bad jokes, but the attempt simply puts them much higher than, say, the Seltzer and Friedberg films. However, it is also … empty. It’s a series of singles and quick gags with nothing adding any effect, no characters lasting longer than two pairs of particular gags, and no personal or sentimental bets on anything.
In short, it feels like you’re trapped in a room with a rookie comedian who thinks jokes about airline food are still an untapped comedy goldmine, with the experience stretching through an open world forcing the kind of tormenting retreat usually seen only at the park. They realize that they dropped their wedding ring somewhere along the Hindu Kush. As well as their heart pills. And a baby.
That’s not how they phrased it on the box, of course.
The really scary thing is that while Kingdom O’ Magic seems like a bad idea, it’s actually a big advance on the earlier work of its creator – a western version of the same style as anything that goes called The Town With No Name. True story: It takes longer to finish than I did! 
… and even who – which It is a step forward from the same team’s other somewhat infamous “game”, Psycho Killer. This is really the whole game, in one 10 minute video. Of that, 2 minutes is the world’s most sponsored tutorial, and one minute credits, And the There is a death reel at the end.
This is not a flash game on Newgrounds. This was sold for money that could have been spent on feeding hungry orphans or paying a psychopath to stab them with used needles from a garbage container outside the VD clinic, frankly Both It was better to use it. Ha!
And you know what’s worse? Kingdom O’ Magic wasn’t even the main writer’s attempt at this matter Previously He did a parody of Lord of the Rings titled Bored of the Rings. This is the polished version of the concept! On a budget and everything! Budget for 3D graphics, even!
(It is true that they were these 3D graphics, but still…)
By these standards, Kingdom O’ Magic is the greatest example of an adventure game that leads to better things since Cliff Bleszinski moved from Dare to dream To Gears of War. It’s at least actual game With a few really funny moments, if you know where to look. That said, I have a weak spot for the narrator, who is pretty good and gets some nice sarcasm back and forth with whatever character you choose. And the Ringwraiths at least got a smile – especially their sniffing leader.
Now, as much as I’d rather drink a pint of my sickness—or, when asked, Diet Coke—rather than play more of this game, there’s a chance these videos will be the funniest thing ever. You may also be wondering why no one has spoken to you for the past few years. This is because we have been preemptively avoiding you for that fact. Some kind of head injury should help reset your personality. Ask, and someone will give you a hammer—and maybe even a clue.
But! While you’re waiting for it to be delivered, you can get the Kingdom O’ Magic you want on YouTube. Here Good old-fashioned traditional pursuit, where a new way to kill the dragon is discovered. And of course, the weird and slightly meandering task, which I didn’t link to because I’ve included it below. It’s the game’s best missions, and not just because it has a dark lord who says “ass” in it. That’s only about 3/5 of the reason. Maybe 4/5…