From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett Crapshoot wrote a column about rolling the dice to bring random, mysterious games back to life. This week, the crime meets punishment, to end in a direct collision with prison, whose only usual break with reality.
Hard Time is the only game I have ever played that allows you to create a character screen that lets you choose to be a child abuser, terrorist or rapist. You don’t have to be, of course. You could simply be a drug addict, a saboteur, or in trouble because of prostitution – although the tough time doesn’t tell which part of the transaction led to your arrest and imprisonment in a brutal South Town Correctional Facility.
It also does not tell you what drugs are in the water supply. Guess? everybody who are they.
The story so far
In a bleak future that the Conservative Party does not seem to manage …
From the evidence: In a bleak future where there are more criminals than citizens, one prison hopes to correct the balance with short doses of difficult time! Take your punishment as a man and try to put up with the burdensome regime of the Southtown Correctional Facility. Create your own prisoner from scratch and rub shoulders with up to 100 sentenced mates throughout the sprawling prison complex. With each passing day, every action taken and every word spoken will shape your unique identity – as you try to reconcile the physical and mental requirements of prison life. You will soon find that “reputation” is the only currency that matters in this world! Having one keeps you alive, but avoiding one keeps you sane.
Handsfree Attachment # 1: Sometimes it can glitch and you become another person by accident.
Handsfree Attachment # 2: This probably won’t be the strangest part of your day.
A Prisoner’s Diary: Stuart Brown – S-018
Crime: Prostitution. Wholesale: 35 days
There is 34 days left for the sentence
Number of showers: 0. Number of showers planned for the next 34 days: 0
Southtown. Dump, obviously. Not as expected. Much more space for beginners. Gigantic empty halls of few prisoners and few guards. One of those guards was walking around with a cleaver. The others had rifles. Once I finished processing my cell and dedicating it to me, one of them walked in, hit the person who was just talking to me, and the two got into a fight that ended when one of them emptied an entire clip into another. The other four guards in the room didn’t seem to care.
Prison would be much tougher than I thought and a lot more ridiculous.
The guards did not seem interested in cleaning the body of their former colleague, let alone me, they wandered around the dungeon. “You are welcome” attending my cell warned against expecting that.
I did not expect it to be Dynamite free chopsticks.
I can’t do much with them though. Immediately, one of the guards runs and demands that they be shot down – no, it must be said, for no reason. Unfortunately for a penal system employee, it looks like this.
I try not to laugh. Fails. But I realized it was a bad idea to abuse the screws on the first day, I turned them over. There is nothing wrong. What would I do with the dynamite anyway? escape from? That would be unethical.
Unfortunately, other prisoners see this vulnerability and dive into the matter to establish an intrusion system.
I am standing on my land. All I have to do is show one person that I am not going to mess with him, and all that remains will go along with it. Look at this guy. He is a tough looking young man. Warrior, I bet they call him, or Skullcrusher McDoomCock. Thunder. Mr. Page. Muscle Mountain in Marrakesh.
With a name like that in prison, there are only two methods you can take. Good ol ‘ST has taken second. The entire group of dungeons erupts into open warfare, with the solitary guard’s only method of appeasing a knife and starting to glimpse anyone in sight.
I ran to my cell and hid in the corner, hoping I wouldn’t be noticed. Nevertheless, the Palestinian Authority inevitably declares that the tragedy has struck Southtown.
Unfortunately, sugar breasts are poor. I didn’t know them at all.
33 days remain after the sentence
Mood: really very depressed. Music: Johnny Cash-Hurt
The morning begins with the news of the killing of a person called “Wussy Lee”, while I assume that they are natural causes of a person in prison with the nickname “Wussy Lee”, but it turns out that it was the result of a dispute with the warden, Warden Peace. Warden Peace. seriously? what ever.
When I got out of bed for “rehab”, a prisoner who wore a pink tie – part of a gang called “powers that be” stole me on the spot. Powers shopping in Primark, apparently. There are five others in the work, including the Suns of God, who wear sunglasses and cannot spell, the tops, who want peace, and the Avatar of God, because this prison was designed by the same person who wrote You are the covenant. I wonder if there is a prison library, and if so, do they need any help stacking the shelves.
One thing I can’t notice is that everyone looks like they’re using a knife, and the ranger doesn’t seem to care. I wait for a quarrel to break out and get sharp-looking scissors back. I am, after all, surrounded by the most ferocious and realistic thugs ever making porridge.
I rushed to the main hall to get away from these people, only interrupted by a guy telling me he didn’t like me because I’m Asian. Although, uh, not Asian. Absolutely. I might find him some glasses. That could be important! I wonder how much XP you get from the help of the racists.
Luckily things get a little more civilized in the main hall, as a prisoner using a cardboard tube helps the novice out with what to do here. In short, watch TV, use the computer, or get stupid phone calls. So, it’s basically like being a freelance journalist afterward. I suppose, only with catering.
Thanking him by not stabbing him in the face with my scissors, I was instantly recognized by a tattooed man who appears to be a Bill Gates whore. This is bewildering, especially when he shows how crossed he is by showing his fighting style – he punched me so hard that he he is Ends on the floor.
I hit him with scissors, only for the guard to decide that this must be my fault. “You shouldn’t fight!” The guard shouts. “Not to mention the weapons! Put that aside or there will be a problem.”
And so I lose my precious scissors. And then, for some reason, my mind. Actually without Action Anything but falling prey to tension, I lunge forward and grabbed the guard lock my head. Try Calm me down with jazz lyricsBut even though I’m misbehaving and am ready to answer when he asks why aren’t you doing it right? His friend brings blues with his assault rifle.
Things go as you’d expect from there, unless you thought the assault rifles fired a bun.
File S-018: The prisoner died in custody. And unbelievable pains. Annoyingly early.
Let’s try it again, shall we? With someone tougher.
Random character generator, roll!
Prisoner’s Diary: Maverick – E-001
Crime: murder. Sentence: 58 days
The remaining 58 days of the sentence
Likelihood of getting candy: 3.14 Dewey 314: General Statistics for Europe
I think the sheriff is a vampire. This will go well.
The remaining 42 days of the sentence
Bribe goalkeeper target: $ 10,000,000 2. Pad Capacity: $ 46.31
Here’s how to survive in prison. Keep your head down. Is your time. Don’t make waves. Unless you find a katana lying around, in this case the world can line up to eat your shit.
How do you convince the guards to let you carry a katana around the safest prison in the world? It’s a relatively simple solution, perhaps best summarized as “carry a katana at that time”.
… and you have no more than one guard who challenges your authority at once …
Of course, proving your skill could have unforeseen consequences.
You got it, boss. Next time, I’ll kick your ass twice as fast as I can.
Oh man, I will be so Very freaking rehabilitation after this.
There are 37 days of sentence remaining
Similarities with Peter Stuermeer in Prison Break: 76%. Accidents in the workplace: 7
It’s not just violence you have to worry about, mind. There is preservation of your strength and recovery after injuries. There are reports to the dining hall regularly – although this is fine. As for the prison, the food is surprisingly good. be seen? I think they just want us to sleep after that. I agree with that.
Sometimes other prisoners, and even prison guards, show up with offers of services. Me, I have a reputation of 97% here, which means that I am not afraid of a man. Although a lot of times it seems that they don’t scare me much either. Like this guy. Hey friend. Go fight with a thief or something. They are more than your level.
How do you kill time, the one thing a katana won’t handle? Well there is the TV. Usually, though, he shows up some idiot and wants something after a while, whether it’s to pick a fight or ask you to improve yourself in some way. Exercise yard is where it happens. For example, shooting rings.
With the ball, not with a gun. Although it is not so Difficult For a rifle if you want to try it another way.
28 days remaining sentence
Breast Sugar Memorial Service: 3 pm. Party: 3:05 until late.
So, I was walking down the main hall after two quick quarrels when all of a sudden this happened.
Thankfully, it happened before the hospital. Unfortunately, this prison hospital is strange, even by its own standards.
A person can enter and grab a bed anytime they want, but they have to return to their cell by locking. There are no doctors, only a guard. Medicines are distributed in a pick-and-mix method, so much so that you are encouraged to experiment a little if you wish.
It’s very unfortunate to go to Walter White in this prison, but I pick to crash as long as possible, and I hope the guard accidentally gets stuck behind a bed for a few hours. You might not think this happens often. Excuse me. These goons can get stuck even without a bed on the way.
In this case, though, he’s in an active mood and really insists that I go after the lockdown to get back into my cell. I hide under the bed, but I was never good at stealth.
Things aren’t really going well. Not when he’s playing his trump card. Guns, I can handle it. Dynamite is for Lucis. Another person with a katana? I can handle. But the words “you are under arrest” are my kryptonite. Looking back on, maybe that’s why I wasn’t a very successful killer …
Break: the trial
Guest Manager: Franz Kafka
Individual. I feel a surprising sense of deja vu. Remind me how this happened last time? Oh. Yeah.
Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana Please don’t bring the katana
Or something. Honestly, I’m a little distracted by that girl in the first row of the audience who forgot to put on her shirt this morning. You’re not required to do anything about it, you understand. I’m just saying…
(Drum roll …)
when? Objection, my God! Even if you are the one who benefits from this, you are clearly a complete donkey! miscarriage of justice! Burn it! Burn it! Come on, everyone, join the hymns!
Well, there’s my last faith in the system. Right there. Last drop. Beep!
28 days remaining sentence
Sorry: a little. Bodies who know the problem you’ve seen: 0
As you know, life in prison can definitely be worse. tough time? Eh … not much.
On the plus side, at least you can honestly say that you never know what will happen next – and how often? Not enough, that’s how often. And it would definitely be a more fun way to serve a sentence than hitting someone in the face with a katana.
Unless that person is Jeremy Kyle, obviously.
File E-001: The prisoner was bored and went to see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs again.