I knew the used car business was a bit shady but I didn’t expect much from mafia involvement, prostitution and murder in this car salesman sim.
Car dealer simulatorNow, in Steam Early Access, it lets you buy, repair and sell used cars, but it also allows you to steal them, buy them on the black market or directly from the sidewalks, fix them with used parts, or repeatedly lie their case to customers, and go deep with the mob.
Not sure if I cut it. Despite calling myself “Al Carpone,” my naivety almost immediately becomes apparent when a woman calls me about a stolen sports car and offers to sell it to me. I accept – I just started my used car business 30 seconds ago so a huge profit from suspicious dealing doesn’t seem like a bad idea.
But then she offers me a pleasant ride if I give her an extra $ 500. As a stupid person, I suppose she literally means it: a fun ride in the stolen sports car. It seems great! Agree, I only found out after that that I paid her to have sex with me. There is nothing wrong with that, I wish she had said, “To be clear, $ 500 to have sex with me, in this stolen car.” Al Carpone is not very good at picking up hints or euphemisms.
She called me multiple times after our leisure trip to buy used cars from me, but she never mentioned that the car we had sex in was stolen from a mobster, and he’s unhappy about it. In fact, he called me and threatened both of us, and after that I agree to work with him. I never heard anything about her again, so I can only assume that she … lives happily on a North farm. That’s what mob men do when you piss them off, right? It takes you to live on a farm?
I have to mention all this crime, prostitution and murder that happen in Sim is basically just a map of a city. You hire truck drivers and mechanics, click on their icons and then click on the map where you want them to go. Used cars can be bought by bidding at auctions, towing to your store, repaired by your mechanic, and then painted and sold either over the phone or using the web with more clicks. It is a spreadsheet game that has an accidental off-screen killing.
There are a lot of illegal ways to make a living. I click Hire a thief and then click Submit to search for cars to click theft. I can browse the dark web (of cars) to buy and sell stolen cars there too. I can fix cars with scrap metal in place of new parts – or I can try to sell them without ever repairing them, and lie to customers about the cars’ condition. “Does it have a front bumper? Sure! Of course! It’s like new! Do I, Al Carboni, lie about something like this?”
Car crime can hurt you. The stupid thief continues to be arrested by the cops and I spend thousands to save him time and time again, even though I have clicked on him in some kind of crime school until he is better at committing crimes. Selling lousy cars that I lied about hurts my store’s reputation, which means lower business and lower offers, so I need to spend thousands more on advertising to improve my rep. You can play Car Trader Simulator completely legal too, but I’m on my way too deep at this point even to try to be honest.
The mob boss continues to call performing special tasks, such as setting fires to divert policemen from any criminal act he is working on, or delivering a certain number of cars to a specific location without explaining their purpose, and his constant needs eat away my focus on buying shoddy minivans and selling them to idiots over the phone.
My earnings are dropping, and I finally resort to getting a $ 60K loan from the mob, which you might imagine is as good an idea as stealing cars and selling them online.
Although I managed to make a profit, my mob entanglements eventually come back to haunt me, if the ghosts in this analogy are bullets fired into the back of my skull by a man called, perhaps, Finney. I didn’t pay off the $ 60,000 mafia loan, so the mob boss that I started thinking of as a friend killed me all of a sudden.
No threats, no broken thumb, not even that thing that a mob boss stands too close to you and hits you on the cheek and tells you that they’re going to give you a few more days just because they love you. I’m just dead in a pool of blood. I am disappointed! I kind of enjoyed all my tapping, turning, and clicking and hate seeing Al Carpone entering an early grave.
I reloaded my last save, but unfortunately it just does Three seconds Before I get hit. And while I have roughly $ 80,000 in the bank, the $ 60,000 loan has gone up by $ 100,000 thanks to group interest. Even for the false expert, three seconds is not enough time to make this kind of profit. I guess crime is only paid if you are the boss.